


A bachelor auction? You must be joking?!

by Menfinske



Category: Les Trois Mousquetaires | The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas, The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Actor!d'Artagnan, Author!Athos, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:49:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4957450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menfinske/pseuds/Menfinske
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Treville tells Athos he's signed both him and d'Artagnan up for the charity bachelor auction, Athos feels suspiciously fine with the prospect of being in jail for murder.<br/>But, as the date progresses, he thinks Treville might live to see another day, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A bachelor auction? You must be joking?!

**Author's Note:**

> A one-shot? From me? I must be ill (Don't worry, I'm not)  
> I am however quite stuck with my on-going story, so I thought maybe a shorter one would help the waiting as well inspire me with more ideas :D  
> Not to mention I truly love writing in Athos' perspective and don't do it nearly as much as I'd like to (because he's such a complicated character to properly write D:)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!

Athos is perfectly willing to murder someone. A particular person, very much, but quite honestly, anyone would do at this point. 

“You did what?” he asks, putting emphasis on the what and hoping Treville will back out. Treville, his manager, only looks innocent as he repeats:

“I signed you up for the bachelor auction.” Athos doesn’t react, he simply walks out of the office and to the coffee-shop down the street, sitting at the window but looking at nothing but his coffee. He groans when he suddenly realizes he’ll have to return to the office though. He may be able to finish his work at home, he’s left his keys in his jacket, which is still in the office. It’s nearly an hour later when he steps in again and Treville naturally spots him straight away. 

“You’ll need to sit down, Athos. You don’t have all the information yet,” Treville says and Athos can just hear the amusement in that voice and he wants nothing more than to gag the man. 

“I was rather hoping you’d cancel it if I did not receive the information in time. I am simply here to retrieve my jacket,” Athos says, glaring at Treville in a dare to start telling him anyway. 

“You will have to be present at five PM tomorrow, so I don’t expect you to be present in the office or I will kick your ass personally. Now, remember, it’s for charity, okay. It will be good promotion and you’ll seem nice. As long as we keep the name of your date out of the papers and someone asks them about the experience,” Treville minutely looks thoughtful, “Right, I’ll take care of that. You are up as the fourth bachelor out of nine. You will need to spend at least three hours with the bidder and you will need to be there in a suit,” Athos really should’ve known Treville wasn’t going to back down. 

“If that is all, I will take my leave now,” Athos says, turning to the door.

“One more thing,” Athos doesn’t bother turning back, “don’t get d’Artagnan to bid on you. He’s being auctioned as well,” Athos really, really needs to choke the man already. And then he leaves the office. 

 

He does show up in time the next afternoon. He’s got a good suit on. Two out of three points on Treville’s list run down. It almost seems too easy.

“Good evening, monsieur de la Fere,” Louis says with a smile. 

“Athos, please,” Athos corrects him.

“Of course, my apologies. Have the terms been explained to you?” and Athos is about to say yes to get it over with when d’Artagnan walks in, exclaiming that no, he had not. Athos glares icily at his friend. “Ah, you must be d’Artagnan, right? Yes, Treville did tell me both of you were coming. Sit down and I shall explain the terms, okay?” Athos does not sit down, which has d’Artagnan rolling his eyes and Louis a little annoyed, though he doesn’t comment on it. 

 

“How bad can it be, really?” d’Artagnan asks Athos a few minutes before Athos has to go on. d’Artagnan is to go in right behind Athos. Athos glares at him.

“Let me see.. I could end up with a crazy old cat-lady. Maybe a murderer. Psychopath? Old creepy dude? I am telling you d’Artagnan, if we both back out we can claim it was something about the terms not in line with our contracts or something of the sort.”

“I’m not afraid of what will happen.”

“You should be. All the crazy fangirls hoping to finally get a chance to meet the famous Charles d’Artagnan, and more. Maybe they will cut off your hair because it looks so beautiful and soft and they just need a souvenir,” d’Artagnan chuckles but before he can protest, Athos is being called on. 

“Good luck,” d’Artagnan says with an entirely too grand smile on his face and a glint in his eye. Athos sighs before he walks to the small stage. Louis smiles and throws an arm over his shoulder, which makes Athos wants to back out immediately, but he endures.

“Next up, ladies and gentlemen, is the both famous and infamous writer, Athos de la Fere. Surely you all know the books he wrote, the Dumas novels, best-selling and already on its way to the third movie being made. Now, who wants to spend an evening with him, exploring his inner depths?” Louis really does drama well. Athos looks as the people in the crows raise their boards. Both men and women were allowed to bid on Athos, being bi, and while there was an obvious majority in women trying, a man eventually won. “Sold for the man in the left corner for 25 grand,” Louis finally exclaims, hammering on it like a good auctioneer. Athos is sent off to the backstage again, though he remains in such a place that he cannot see the crowd, but he can see d’Artagnan and Louis auctioning him off. 

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, the famous movie-star Charles d’Artagnan. His major roles include but aren’t limited to, of course, the main character in the Dumas movies and a role in the major BBC hit-series. Dare I ask who wants to spend an evening with our young talent?” d’Artagnan is straight, so there for Athos is not at all surprised when a woman wins the bidding. “Sold for 80 grand to the madame in the centre to the right,” Louis exclaims and d’Artagnan walks over to Athos with a grand smile on his face. 

“Must be hard on you, isn’t it?” d’Artagnan teases, “Me being sold off for three times as much as you. And that while your books made me famous,” Athos raises a brow. 

“I, for one, am quite happy to be the unimportant face behind it, thank you very much. But if you enjoy it so much, you’re quite welcome to do all the promoting for the next book?” d’Artagnan chuckles. 

“Nah, I’ll leave that to you. Writing was never my strong suit, or didn’t I quote you correctly on that one? No wait, I’m fairly sure it wasn’t what you said. I think that sounded more like: ‘d’Artagnan, the moment anyone finds your writing worth enough to even be granted money for reading it, is the moment I will jump off the highest building I can find and hope I will in no way witness the demise of the Earth?” 

“The quote is still wrong, but the sentiment is retained, at least. Honestly, d’Artagnan, how in the world do you memorize scripts?” 

“Good question. I think it must be the fact that a six-year old could write more complicated things than you,” d’Artagnan sticks out his tongue before darting away, leaving Athos to enjoy his last moment of solidarity before he will have to face his bidder in less than twenty minutes.

 

He steps out exactly 18 minutes later, the exact time he was no longer allowed to be anywhere but where his ‘date’ wanted him to, and makes quick work of working through the crowd until he reaches table four, where he’s minutely surprised by the fact there are two men waiting for him, though he carefully doesn’t show his surprise. 

“Good evening, gentlemen,” he greets them politely. One of them is, if Athos is honest with himself, really striking. His skin is a healthy, bronze tan and his hair seems stylishly dishevelled, with his curls reaches just above his shoulder. His brown eyes look very warm and inviting and the way his lips form a smile is only emphasized by the oddly-shaven beard and moustache that surround them. The second man is of colour, his hair showing of that heritage as well by forming tightly knit curls on top of his head, which makes his hair seem much shorter than it probably is. He is a remarkably large guy which might have been threatening, considering Athos is fairly sure the striking one bought him, except for the giant smile that splits his face and turns him into a friendly giant. 

“Ah, there you are,” the striking one says. “My name is Aramis and this is my boyfriend, Porthos. Excuse is for the.. well, being here with the two of us, but we simply could not resist bidding on you.” Two large smiles look at him expectantly and he takes a seat. He’s feeling distinctly uncomfortable. These men had bought him and would obviously expect something of him, but Athos did not quite know what. He had been auctioned once before, when he’d just published his first book (it was for promotional purposes) and back then he’d gotten the very distinct impression many would hope to hook up with their dates for a more permanent base. Aramis, however, was here with his boyfriend. 

“Pleased to meet you,” Athos choses the cautious path. 

“We better order a drink, huh?” Porthos observes and Athos nods. When the waiter comes to take their orders he discovers that they have quite a different palate. Athos goes for red wine, as he always does, while Porthos goes for a beer (which does not earn him credit in Athos’ eyes), and Aramis chooses a sex-on-the-beach cocktail. 

“So, I hear your next book is soon to come out. Don’t suppose you could give me any hints already,” Aramis asks though he hardly looks as if he’s interested in hints. 

“Well, after Melissa fights bravely to protect her queen’s order, she gets sentenced to execution, which is how the previous book ended,” he drawls. And when both men don’t seem to narrow their eyes in suspicion, or something else that indicated that Athos is lying, he sighs. “Which never happens. You have not read any of the other five books, why bother starting now?” Porthos gets a guilty little smile on his face while he scratches his neck while Aramis doesn’t even pretend to be sorry. 

“Well, I’ve met the author. Maybe he will change my mind and tell me why I should start reading the books?” Athos barely refrains from huffing. 

“I do not mean to sound arrogant, Aramis, was it? But I rather imagine it is hard to avoid the Dumas storyline at the moment, if the numbers and hype are any indication. If you’ve not found incentive to start reading by now, I very much doubt I will be able to change your mind.” 

“I might watch the movies. To be fair, they always appeal to me more than the books,” Porthos admits and Athos has to give him credits and take them away at the same time. As an author it is only natural he likes reading and he has to admit he’s a pretty judgemental person in that aspect, so those who do not read are in a disadvantage. However, to tell someone you know is an author that you’d rather not read is something not a lot of people do. Athos had met many people who tried to come up with excuses on how they just simply could not find the time or anything like that. 

“Well, there are three movies out already and I am quite sure you have seen d’Artagnan when he was being auctioned. That could be incentive,” Athos states. Athos himself saw d’Artagnan too much as a little-brother to think of d’Artagnan like that, but he knew that very few were left untouched at d’Artagnan’s boyish charm. The two men opposite him both laugh. 

“Point taken. Maybe we will,” Aramis says and then their entrée is served and they eat in a surprisingly companionable silence. 

“If I may ask, why did you bid on me?” Athos asks. He would not normally care for the answer, except that he has two fill at least two more hours with them and they obviously didn’t buy him to talk about his books and they did have each other, so Athos could not imagine it a date either. 

“Because you’re very beautiful in that rugged sort of way,” Athos replies with blunt honesty. “Really, we saw you and I knew I had to take a closer look.” Athos opens his mouth and closes it again, not quite sure how to react to this. And then, when it seems neither is going to save him and for once in his life Athos is not finding silence more appealing than talking he stupidly remarks.

“25 grant is a lot of money for a closer look.” Aramis has to laugh about this while Porthos seems amused as well. 

“Yes, I suppose it is. You could blame my father for that. He always gave me everything I wanted growing up and it’s a habit I’m afraid I’ve taken over myself. Besides, I’ve got the money, why not spend it, especially if it goes to charity and it gets me to meet the gorgeous man who’s caught my eye.” 

“Excuse me for asking, but I rather thought you’d introduced yourself as being romantically engaged to Porthos,” Athos asks. 

“Well, I can see why you’re a writer. You do have a way of making it sound boring to have a boyfriend. No offense,” he quickly adds and Athos has to contain a smile, although fears he’s not quite as successful as usual by the two looks he receives. “We are not exclusive, and we like to spice things up from time to time. We were hoping that we could convince you to come share our bed after these three hours.” Athos has to look away, into his empty plate, because he is not sure if he is ready for it. 

“’Mis, you..” Porthos sighs, “We don’t obligate you or anything, man. It’s just an idea. We would not want you to come with us if ya didn’t want it yourself. We’re not that kin’ of people,” Porthos jumps in. And that makes Athos look up from his plate to meet two faces that give the same kind of honesty, even if Porthos’ seems more worried and Aramis’ more flirtatious in a somewhat innocent kind of way. 

“Besides, really, I’m sure you have big ol’ bodyguards to chase us off if we did force you,” Aramis jokes and the tension is mostly gone again, to Athos’ relief. 

“Actually, I do not,” he replies with a smirk. “You’d be surprised by how few people ever recognize the author.”

“Quite frankly,” Aramis says, looking anything but innocent, “I don’t think I would be surprised.” And that manages to startle a huff of laughter from Athos. They eat their dinner making more small-talk and joking a little before the three hours are over and the venue closes. 

“Do ya wanna take this some other place, or?” Porthos trails off but the invitation is clear. 

“I suppose I could come over,” Athos smiles. He rather likes the two men that ‘bought’ him. Aramis was infuriatingly charming in his own way and Porthos was simply the most kind, down-to-earth man that Athos had met in years and they got along quite well, apparently. 

“Good,” Aramis smiles brightly and they take him to their apartment, where they first share some more wine while Aramis, partly as a joke, partly because he actually is curious now, puts on the first movie in the Dumas’ series. The movie keeps running in the background while Athos finds he like a threesome much more than with two. 

 

He finds out the next day that d’Artagnan’s date, with a charming, young woman by the name of Constance, has also gone great. They both continue to see their buyers regularly. To such an extent that Athos finds d’Artagnan standing all nervous in front of him one day in Treville’s office. 

“Athos, I need to ask you something,” d’Artagnan starts. Athos doesn’t respond, doesn’t look up from his laptop where he’d been trying (and failing) to get something written down. “Important.” He finally looks up and takes the pen from his mouth, putting it on the notebook that contains his ideas while he looks at d’Artagnan, who obviously wasn’t going to continue without his full attention.

“Yes?” he drawls. 

“I’m.. I asked Constance.. I asked her to marry me. And she said yes,” d’Artagnan is still all nerves and Athos has to remind himself not to smile like an idiot.

“That is wonderful. Congratulations,” Athos says. and d’Artagnan momentarily pauses his nervous break-down to look at Athos with the grandest smile he’d seen on the boy’s face since he’d first told him he’d gotten the role (yes, Athos was proud to say he did the casting on his movies, because he knew very well how he intended the characters to be and all the lousy movie-makers could not bend him in that). 

“Yes, I know. Oh no, wait, thanks,” Athos does smile about this. “Right. I wanted to ask.. will you.. will you give me away? I know it’s not traditional or anything, but since my dad is.. well, not here,” d’Artagnan stammers. 

“I would love to give you to Constance, d’Artagnan,” Athos assures the boy. Who’s face lights up in that big smile once more before running over to hug him. 

“Great. I.. I’ll come over tonight to celebrate, okay? I need to find Treville.”

“Did you propose today?” Athos asks with a raised brow. D’Artagnan nods. “Don’t you dare come over tonight,” and when d’Artagnan does his best impression of a kicked puppy Athos brow raises even higher, “You proposed today, d’Artagnan. Tonight, you are going to celebrate with Constance. Then tomorrow, you will celebrate with us.” D’Artagnan’s kicked-puppy look disappears and makes place for a sheepish look instead. 

 

 

Nearly half a year later the wedding is actually happening. Athos gives the boy away, as promised, and they watch as they meet each other in marriage. They both look young, beautiful and happy as two people can be and Athos feels Aramis’ head droop to his shoulder at the end of it. 

“I wish we could have that,” Porthos whispers. Of course, three men could not get wed to each other, which was a shame.

“Indeed. I would love to see Aramis in a dress,” Athos responds, his voice carefully neutral and his best poker-face in place. It earns him an indignant but amused glance from Aramis and a bout of laughter from Porthos. And then d’Artagnan and Constance kiss and two pecks are pressed to his cheek as well, and he’s never felt as happy than he does right then.


End file.
